Why Am I Still Single?

Alrighty…before we get started…I do not post about relationships very often.  It’s just not my thing.  However, I am on my own personal spiritual journey, and I strive to be transparent about certain things; specifically with those who interact with me on a regular-semi regular basis.  Including those of you who so graciously follow my blog!  Bless you! 😌 That being said, I was lead by God’s Spirit to share this! I pray that it will “farkarwa” your soul, mind, and as always, encourage you!💕

I was struggling with what direction to take this because while I knew the point of this post, I wasn’t quite sure how to get there.  So, I just decided to write whatever comes to mind and hope it all makes sense to someone other than me. lol

Why am I still single?  Why is this a question a conversation starter?  I personally do NOT initiate this question when I engage with men folk.  They are usually the ones who ask me this, and of course in return, I ask them the same.  🤷🏾‍♀️But I started wondering…why does there have to be a reason that I am single?

And what relevance does my answer have to you and our interaction?  Well, I suppose it is relevant, because it provides some insight (if we are honest first with ourselves, and second with others) into our lives.  Specifically our journey with relationships.

Anywhoo, this question used to make me cringe, because I honestly could not verbalize or even realize why I was “still single.”  Then, last year, I read an article that stated that there is always a reason why men/women are single.  And we can often figure out the reason in the other person, but little time is taken to find the reason within ourselves.  Surprised?  No.  Convicted? Yesssss.  I don’t remember everything that the article said, but I DO remember one of the reasons was that being single is a choice because God has not brought you to that part of your life yet.  At that time, I could not identify with this because I just KNEW I was ready, so I couldn’t understand why “I” was “still single!”   I had been praying, reading books, “preparing” myself, praying SPECIFICALLY…all that good stuff that ‘we’ do. (Y’all…it has been a journey, okay. lol)😆

The fact that I was unable to answer this question all those years, sent me on a series (okay, so I don’t have the longest dating history, so let’s say it’s really only 3-5 in my adult life lol) of highly dysfunctional relationships that were going NOWHERE.  When I say nowhere I mean nooooooowhere.  I not only lacked a true sense of self, but I was in a sense yoking myself (mentally and emotionally) with men who also had no idea where they were going, and no idea that they were not connected to The Source! Y’all, God’s word teaches us about this (2 Corinthians 6:14).  So instead of seeking His Kingdom first (Matthew 6:33), I was just setting myself up for heartbreak, frustration, resentment, confusion, and bitterness.  And ain’t nothing cute about being bitter! Thank God for healing!🙏🏾

Now let’s come back to the present.  Throughout my journey of self-discovery, which of course starts with discovering Christ, my relationship with Him, and His will for my life, something came soooo clear to me.  I am single, NOT because I am not worthy. NOT because I am forgotten. NOT because I missed my blessing as some people like to say.  NOT because God is punishing me.  I realized I am single because GOD wants to USE my singleness for His glory.  Let me say it again.  God wants to/is using my singleness for HIS glory!!  😱GOD wants to use YOUR singleness for HIS glory!  Let that sink in for a moment….we’ll come back to this.

Okay, let’s get real about this thing.  I am NOT perfect.  I mean I am far from it.  I am a handful.  I know this!  Self-awareness is keyyyyy for real! lol I tend to be pretty hard on myself, and I am learning to by more kind to myself.  When I am kind to myself, I am better equipped to extend this kindness to others.  Message.  Besides, Jesus already paid the price for my flaws and my sins so whyyyy would I dwell on my mistakes?  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  Thankfully, my flaws do not make me any less worthy!👑  God has a continuous work to do in me, and work that I must be willing to do within myself.  But one thing I do know…and this is not based on things of the world…or even to toot my own horn…but this is strictly based on God’s word.  I am a jewel, far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10), that has yet to be found and treasured (of course other than the One and only Jesus!).  In other words…I am all that.  As we used to say growing up, “all that and a bag of chips.” hahaha

Now, back to my point about God using my singleness for His glory.  While marriage is beautiful, honorable, and intended to be a representation of the relationship that Christ has with His church (Ephesians 5; Proverbs 18:22; Genesis 2 just to name a few), it is not the ‘final destination’ of life.  YES, I desire marriage.  Yes, I desire a loving (yet imperfect) husband to do life with!  A best friend…a husband who loves God FIRST (1 John 5:3; Ecclesiastes 12:13), recognizes his role as the leader of our household (even shows these qualities in our courtship), is gentle yet gains his strength and counsel from the Lord, can provide for his family, recognizes the importance of serving God first through the example he sets for our children, and has a good reputation among men (Proverbs 31:23).  Plus, there are certain thangs that only married folk can do…let’s be honest!  These qualities are noble, but they are not THE ultimate goal in life.   The ultimate goal in life is to love God, live according to His will, love others, make disciples, and make Heaven our home (Mark 12:30-31)!

While many say “marriage is a ministry,” our lives as Christians, period, is also a ministry.  Until we recognize the unique position we are in as singles, we are missing out on influencing the world for God’s Kingdom (1 Corinthians 7: 32-34)!  I believe God desires to use my singleness for His glory through Own Your Peach , using my talents in church, through intentionally forming and building relationships with others, by taking me out of my comfort zone, by orchestrating ways for me to share my journey of purity, and sooooo many other ways that have not manifested themselves yet!

And honestly…when that time comes…my huzbin will be allowing God to use his singleness for His glory as well.  And there will be no confusion as to “why” either of us is single.  Until then, I will continue striving to live pure and purposefully. And that’s that! 😉

Did this blog encourage you?  Create a spark in your mind/heart?  Feel free to share and of course subscribe! 🙂

Farkarwa ❤️

 

 

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