Reflection Part 2
Let’s get right into it! It has officially been 1 year since I decided to start sharing my spiritual journey through public posts!! Whoop whoop! 🙌🏾💃🏾🎉We left off in Part I discussing the emotional and spiritual roller-coaster that I was on during undergrad. The relationship with my lil boo had just ended and I was UPset! I could not believe God was doing this to me. I thought I would be able to keep one foot in and the other foot out when this “faith walk” got a little too real. But no. God was NOT havin’ that. Plus, I had recently started attending Fish Hatchery Rd. church of Christ, and my heart was being pricked and convicted Hebrews 4:12. And despite my initial reluctance to their ‘Daily Bible Reading Challenge’ I took it as a chance to start being intentional with my growth in Christ.
But as I mentioned in Part I, this was not a smooth transition. In fact, I met God with quite a bit of push-back. I’m a handful…I know this. Self-awareness is key 😉 Anyway, I was still showing up late and purposely leaving early to avoid uncomfortable post-church conversations. I was still holding on to hope that my ex and I would reconcile. Crazy behavior alert: Y’all, I even showed up to his apartment unannounced because I was going to ‘make him’ talk to me whether he liked it or not. Yes, I told myself this. And no, I did not tell anyone before-hand because I did not want sense talked into me. lol (If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her NOT to do this. ‘Pop-ups’ as I like to call them, are disasters waiting to happen🤦🏾♀️). Mind you, I’m the one who initiated the breakup conversation…so why was I trippin’? Well, I was used to a pattern. See, when we become complacent in sin, it only starves us even more when we continue to feed ourselves with things, situations, and people that we know are not meant for us. These things feed us false hope, false security, and false comfort!! And we convince ourselves that we are missing or can’t do without something. Plus, this was my first ‘real boyfriend’ and that transition was hard to accept. I was also still entertaining unfruitful friendships while wondering why I didn’t ‘fit in’ and why I was being rejected. It was just a mess. A necessary, ugly, beautiful mess. The isolation was part of God’s plan. Not to isolate me in a way that hurt me, but it forced me to look to Him. To follow Him and stop following the crowds.
You see, even JESUS frequently spent time in isolation to allow God to pour into His spirit.
See Luke 5:16
I mean, God’s children ARE set apart, right? Romans 12:2
“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9
God knew me and had plans for my life lonnnng before my conception in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13 So the plans He had during this season of my life were full of purpose!! They were NOT an accident. He was with me all the way, and there was no turning back.
So, in my quest to ‘be in that number’ of those who raised their hand during daily Bible reading ‘roll call,’ I found myself slowly but surely enjoying this intimate time with God. What a surprise! 😱When I stopped seeing the Word of God as “boring,” I began learning more about His love for me John 3:16, and how His commands aren’t to hinder me or make my life less enjoyable. But it is because we are created in His image, we should reflect Him Genesis 1:27. His will for our lives is to make us Holy 1 Peter 1:16. To make us more like Him. To make our light shine in this dark world so that men may glorify Him Matthew 5:16. I was amazed.
I am incredibly thankful that my parents saw fit to raise us up in Christ, because it gave me the foundation I needed to be able to see through this different lens.
I slowly but surely began to recognize my purpose. I was finally walking with the Lord and working out my own salvation!! ALL is well now, right? Meh. Fast forward two years. I got into a completely different relationship. Listen, to this day, I’ve only been in two ‘real’ relationships. So the only relationship advice I can give is from God’s word. 🙂 But anywhoo…Without going too far into the dynamics, because I was on this semi-new spiritual journey, I had this new-found ZEAL, and I was soooo excited to have met someone who was on the same page!! Well, appeared to be. Long story short, that did NOT work out. I thought my heart was broken the first time, but this time was different. I thought that because I was with another ‘Christian,’ that it was ‘finally’ meant to be! My 22-year old self thought she was ready to jump the broom because who has time to “wait” anymore? I mean, I wasn’t having sex, temptation was REEAAAAL, we were both Christians, we cared about each other, and I was tired of waiting! And that (among many other things on both sides) transferred into the relationship. This taught me that something that is not in God’s will, will NEVER WORK. If we have to force it, it may not be in His will. That doesn’t mean that relationships do not take work. They absolutely do. I’m just saying, when we do not have PEACE about a situation (not just relationships), then we need to make sure we are truly plugged into The Source and not playing like it. His will is the safest place to be! This also applies with friendships, jobs, etc.
This part of my journey made me realize this: We are all on our own journey. Do not compare your journey to anyone else’s. Life is not about trying to mold people into the version of themselves that we want them to be. But to have enough love and respect for the fact that we are all different. That God’s call is for all of us to live for Him, but we cannot force or manipulate others into doing so. This is not what Christ did. We must also realize that there is a time and a season for every part of our lives!! See Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. Many times, each season comes with a lesson; big or small. If we pay close enough attention, we will find and carry these nuggets of wisdom with us. But if we are too busy trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ the situation, we’ll miss our blessing and opportunity for growth. Growth is part of our journey that should never end.
This year has flown by and I have found that sharing my spiritual journey extremely therapeutic. My current space is one of purposeful living. Purposefully seeking God’s will for my life, purposefully living out those plans. Purposefully saying ‘no’ to fear and doubt (I still struggle with this one). And purposefully saying YES to a life full of LOVE.
My prayer is that Christians and non-Christians will see that we don’t ‘have it all together.’ We will never ‘arrive’ at this unrealistic space of hyper-spirituality that makes us unable to understand the state of the world we live in. And we definitely didn’t ‘wake up like dis.’ 🙂 We are on a forever journey to grow our faith, love God, love others, and to live as examples and representers of Christ. Until Christ calls us to our forever home.