Disclaimer: This is not what you might have been thinking. This wont contain any juicy secrets or stories. In fact, it contains the complete opposite. I was lead to create this post because I can’t count how many times I have been asked, “what are you waiting for?” “does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?” “are you/why are you a prude?” OR how many times I’ve been called a “goodie goodie.” *insert eye roll* OR how many times someone has simply/genuinely inquired about it.
Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate being a 27—going on 28-year-old virgin. Yes, a VIRGIN! Oh my goodness. Did I just ‘say’ that? I’ll allow you a few moments to gather your thoughts or ‘clutch your pearls’ as they say.
Are we good? Good. Let’s dig in.
Noooo I don’t run around screaming this information or forcing it onto the masses, but it is something that I am no longer uncomfortable discussing. As a matter of fact, I invite and appreciate the conversation it elicits. Now, had I known this would be part of God’s plan for me to reach my destination, I probably would have prepared my 10-year-old self when I naively made such a declaration to “wait to have sex until I’m married.”
Before we continue, allow me to set some ground work and provide this disclaimer: Sex is beautiful. It was created by God. It is not dirty or disgusting. It is not something to be ashamed to speak about…in the proper context. It was created to be enjoyed FREQUENTLY between husband and wife.
Now that we have that out of the way. As a little girl, growing up in church, it was automatically a ‘thing’ that sex is intended for marriage. Christians know this. It was not a conversation piece. You just didn’t question it. My fellow church brats know this. However, at a young age, I felt inclined to take a personal stance. No one coached me into it. Neither of my parents had the dreaded “talk” with me. I felt not an ounce of pressure to conform to this ideology. I just knew it was something I wanted to share and experience with my husband only. At the tender age of 10, that was all it was. The depth and breadth of it all came later. About 13 years later to be exact. You’ll see what I mean later in this post.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, my reasoning to ‘save myself for marriage’ extends further than biblical principles. Although it happens to be the root of my choice, there was more to it for me because I didn’t consider it a burdensome commitment. The word of God teaches us that we were created in the image of God: Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” And that our bodies are a holy temple: 1 Corinthians 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? And that we should conduct and express ourselves based on these truths.
In addition to my faith, my reasons for choosing to ‘wait’ are quite complex. Over time, I would hear stories from friends about how they had given their body to someone, who only left them heartbroken and abandoned. Who wants to experience that? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy! The way my heart and mind are setup…I knew that wasn’t an option for me. So, that added weight to my “no!” I understand that sex in and of itself does not lead to heartbreak. And the lack thereof does not prevent it altogether. However, I am only speaking for myself. And my experience has allowed me to avoid extensive ties with men whom I would have deemed it impossible to move on from had that level of intimacy been reached.
Until recent years, my decision to remain sexless also stemmed partly from fear. Not fear of getting in trouble with my parents or anything like that. Not even fear of the pain experienced during my first time. But fear of consequences I was not interested in facing. Whether it was unplanned pregnancy, diseases, etc. Now, some might say “those things can happen when you get married too! Look at the divorce rate! Look how common infidelity is!” I get it. I REAAALLY do. Fortunately, I am no longer fearful of the negative consequences. Instead, I became hopeful and optimistic of the benefits that accompany saving myself for marriage (if that is in God’s plan for my life). I look forward to sharing this precious gift with my husband. OFTEN. God will be pleased! Amen! Aaaaand I have an opportunity to hopefully be an example to those around me.
This leads me to my final reason for such a commitment: *drumroll*…PURITY!
Purity is defined as “freedom from contamination.”
1 Timothy 4:12 advises us to be an “example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” More so, Philippians 4:8, which also happens to be one of my favorite scriptures, tells us to purify ourselves and think on things that are pure and godly. We purify ourselves from the inside out. That is what I strive for. Nothing more, nothing less. I understand that if I seek purity…not marriage…not pleasing those around me…that everything will awaken itself at the appropriate time.
A turning point for me, was during my final semester of undergrad. It was when I realized my true purpose about this whole ‘waiting until marriage/purity’ thing. I realized it was soooo much bigger than lil ‘ol me. I began to realize that GOD already had a plan for my life that would be centered on this concept. But I have just begun to scratch the surface. Upon realizing this, I was lead to found a nonprofit organization (Own Your Peach Inc.) with hopes to encourage other young girls and women around the world to see the benefits in this decision. My purpose is not to ‘convince’ people one way or another. But hopefully inspire those around me to see that there is a different option. The one that God praises. It is no longer so much of a ‘save yourself until marriage’ issue, but an ‘honor God and myself with my body’ commitment. You can learn more about Own Your Peach here
This adventure has sent me on a journey greater than my ten-year-old, innocent, angelic, pure heart bargained for. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Why would I? We’re just getting started.